Standing Still
by Selene16
Summary: Yaten considers her feelings towards Minako as she prepares to say good bye. Warning: Shoujoai.


**Author's Notes:** Well…I have dished out another Yaten/Minako fanfic. Why? Because the lack of Yaten/Minako shoujo-ai makes me die inside. I have a love for this pairing as a lesbian couple but it seems that 90 of the fanfics feature Yaten as a male . (not saying that there's anything wrong with that; I've read a few good fics with male Yaten ). Just doing my part to contribute to the Shoujo-ai community .

**Disclaimer:** I obviously am not Naoko Takeuchi and therefore, I do not own any of the characters mentioned within this fanfic.

Standing Still

By Selene

I could smell the early morning dew, heightened by the light drizzle of rain. The tiny drops had splattered into my hair, dripping down onto my cheeks. But I was too captivated by this sensation, of feeling the rain. Of being able to walk through this park a final time…

I wanted to remember every detail. I wanted to some day close my eyes and feel the earth…as if I would never have to leave.

I missed my home, of course. But there was something about my time here that made it difficult to get up and leave. Actually, there were many things that made me want to stay but I knew my duty.

I sighed softly. So many reasons…

A few girls walked by and glanced over at me. The paused for a moment and whispered amongst each other, the hint of recognition on their faces…but after a brief pause, they shook their heads and continued on their way.

"…can't be," I heard one of them say.

I knew that I wasn't recognizable. Not like this, anyway. I still had the hint of Yaten Kou in me: the trademark hairstyle, the same green eyes and indifferent stare…but I could feel my small breasts hiding beneath the baggy material of my blouse shirt and even my loose dress pants couldn't hide my obviously feminine curves.

I was no longer a handsome teen idol. I was now just another woman, too plain to take anyone's notice. My masculine attire, which I preferred to the foreignness of those uniform skirts that students wear, gave off an impression of gender confusion and I suddenly felt embarrassed that I hadn't ignored my discomfort and settled for something a bit more appropriate. Despite that this society liked to encourage individuality, breaking away from social standards were generally frowned upon.

But I guess it wouldn't matter. I wasn't meant to be here any more…

"Yaten!"

My attention was drawn to the girl rushing toward me, blond hair flowing behind her and her hand clenching an orange umbrella that the wind threatened to take from her. I forced a tiny smile and gave a polite nod.

"Good morning, Minako."

"I'm so sorry I'm late! I know that you said 8:00 but my alarm went off late and-Oh! You must be soaked!"

She broke off her apology and thrust the umbrella over us, her eyes no longer begging for forgiveness but scrutinizing me. "Yaten Kou, you shouldn't be standing out in the rain without a jacket and umbrella! You'll catch a cold! Here, take my coat!"

She forced the umbrella into my hand and frantically tried removing her own coat. I protested while a few people had stopped, having heard "Yaten Kou". However, upon noticing me, they stared in confusion and then continued on their way.

"M-Minako, really, I don't need a coat," I protested feeling very embarrassed.

"Of course you do! I won't have my favorite idol becoming-"

I shook my head. "I'm not an idol, Minako. I'm just a girl."

She seemed to pause at this. If my heart wasn't so heavy and filled with that agonizing dread of this truth I was facing…about all the things that I had to realize, I might have laughed. Minako's hair was now wet and sticking to her cheeks while she somehow managed to twist her red coat around her, making it almost impossible to take off.

"Idiot, you should have unzipped it first," I mumbled, using my free hand to help put her arm back in the sleeve.

I tried to ignore this tension as Minako looked at me. Really looked at me. And I could see that pained recognition in her eyes: the breasts hidden beneath my wet shirt, the heart-shaped curve of my face...even my low voice sounded more feminine to my ears, now that I was as I should be.

I forcefully looked away. I couldn't stand to have her look at me like that. I knew that all of her ridiculous fantasies were crushed the moment I said, 'girl'.

"Yaten…" she whispered.

"I'll be leaving soon," I said, withdrawing my hand from her. Everything felt…wrong. But I couldn't fight this ache within me. And this world be damned, I wasn't about to feel guilty over my emotions.

A silence passed between us and she moved a bit closer, but leaving more distance between us than she had in the past. She tried to huddle with me under the umbrella and I mentally remarked how, for once, she wasn't being her suffocating and annoying self. But a part of me also hated the reasons for her distance.

"…you wanted to see me about something?"

I nodded, shifting my weight onto my other foot. I felt so tiny and scrawny underneath these oversized clothes…it made me feel even more insignificant and pathetic. But there was something I had to say to her.

"I wanted to thank you...for everything you've done for me."

I said it so simply, enough to even make me believe that I wasn't battling the empty dread that had settled in the pit of my chest. I felt ice cold and I think my hands were trembling.

Minako seemed surprised. "Thank me?"

I wasn't sure if this was shock or modesty. But she must have known what she had done.

"Even after I was cold to you, you still defended me," I said, looking away in embarrassment. "I've never been kind to you…but you tried your hardest to get close to me."

I think she may have blushed. But she looked away from me before I could study her reaction.

"I apologize for making you wake up so early. But I wanted to let you know, personally, how much your friendship has meant to me. And I…"

I couldn't bring myself to say it. I wanted to tell her I'd miss her company but that hollow fear was getting the best of me. I was afraid of being too honest with her.

But the pattering of the rain was drowned out by my own pounding heart. I had to touch her…just once. I could almost feel the heat radiating from her body and those beautiful blue eyes…I wanted her to look at me and accept me for who I was, for what I was. Because I had been so sure that I had seen the truth when she had sacrificed herself for me.

I dropped the umbrella and placed my hands on her shoulders. My fingers were trembling and gripping her tightly, almost afraid to let go. I swallowed the rest of my insecurities and leaned in close to her…

But then I felt her body stiffen. She emitted a tiny gasp and I pulled back before our lips could touch.

"Y-Yaten?"

I saw her eyes widen and I understood.

"It's…different…" she started, backing up from me. I notice her eyes glance about frantically, ensuring that nobody had seen us. A look of relief passed over her as she realized that nobody was paying attention to us. Everyone was too busy trying to get to their destination and out of this rain.

I felt the sting from her offending words and instantly became colder. "Sorry."

"It's not you," she blurted out, somewhat guiltily. "I mean, I would if you…it's not very accepted and…"

"I don't care what they think," I said, coldly. "…I love you regardless."

I felt a blush tinge my cheeks and my determined glare softened. But as her eyes went even wider with shock from this proclamation, the sinking feeling within me told me that I had went too far.

"…I think I should be going now…"

I didn't wait for her to respond. I turned away moodily, too proud to let my pain show.

I shoved my hands into my pockets and mentally counted down from ten, trying to hold back the urge to turn around and apologize to save some face. Or maybe I was trying to avoid crying out in frustration. I wasn't sure if my pride or my emotions hurt more from her reaction.

"W-wait!"

I could hear her feet splashing in the puddles behind me. I didn't want to look back at her but she grasped my wrist and forced me to stop.

"I-I'm sorry," she said.

I stared at the ground, giving a shrug of my shoulders. Because it didn't matter any more. And I didn't want her pity.

When I wouldn't comply and turn back to look at her, she wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face into my back.

"…please forgive me…"

She was shaking. And I could tell from the way she held me, she was afraid, Maybe as afraid as I had been to admit how I felt about her.

"Minako."

I turned around and she grasped me tightly, trying to hide her face from me. But I now knew what I had seen.

"…don't cry, Minako," I whispered, running my hands through her hair.

I felt like a jerk for having put her in this position. I must have made her feel like she was a hypocrite when, really, she had only fallen in love with someone who she thought was real.

"I'm sorry for being harsh," I said. "I shouldn't force you to feel when you-"

"I don't want you to go!"

My body became stiff as I registered what she had said.

"I don't want you to tell me you love me and then leave," she cried out, clutching onto the sleeves of my shirt tightly. "You just…can't do that to me…"

"Minako, I can't stay."

"I waited so long and now…"

"I have a duty."

"It's selfish to tell someone you love them and then leave them," she said, somewhat angrily.

"It's selfish to make me stay."

"…"

I sighed and gently pulled back the bangs that clung to her forehead. Her eyes were red-rimmed from crying and both tears and raindrops dribbled off her chin. But I wasn't thinking about how ridiculous we looked, the umbrella long abandoned and both of us drenched. I could only see the persistence in her eyes.

"…I love you, too..."

I knew I was being denied any kind of relationship with her. She would be a memory, one that I would lock away safely and selfishly cling to during my moments alone, when I could remember how warm she felt.

I leaned in close and captured her soft lips in a chaste kiss. As I pulled away, a few people were walking by and gave us very strange looks but Minako pulled me closer to her, kissing me with a hungry passion that I had never experienced.

I tasted her thoroughly because I wanted to remember every detail. I wanted to some day close my eyes and feel this kiss again…as if I never had to leave her behind.

Owari

**Author's End Notes:** Okay, not the best written piece. In fact, I'm very disappointed in this. Just posting it before I come to my senses and delete it.


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